What does this actually say?

If you are familiar with the intricacies of deconstructing text, or if perhaps Allen & Ginter has ever made a card of Jacques Derrida, you might have no problem with this. But we don't comprehend the vagueness of the description on the back of 2008 Upper Deck Legendary Cuts. Thus, here are some questions.

1) What is a Curtis Granderson Game Used baseball card? Has the card been used in a baseball game? Or in a Curtis Granderson Game? Did he use the card? If so, what does that mean?

2) Who certified to Upper Deck that the memorabilia on the front of the card was used in an MLB game? Is the memorabilia the swatch, or a speck of DNA? Because the text doesn't specify.

3) Close as you can get to...history? Can one get close to history?

4) Why don't we care?

We no longer buy blaster boxes; you've heard about our traumas and reformation in this regard. And we only buy cheap cards on eBay, for very low postal costs. You know about all that up in there. These cards were like 99 cents. Which is what they are worth.

You know how the economy is exploding because of speculators, pyramid schemes (Wall Street uses fancier language) and casino-style stock trading? Guess what? The same thing will happen with game used baseball cards and autographs with stickers! Thus: avoid the high end stuff! This message was brought to you by the US Carderal Reserve.


madding said...

You can also see that nowhere does it actually say that the piece of memorabilia was actually used by Granderson, nor do you have any guarantee that it was a Tigers game at all.

But it probably was, right? Otherwise, these companies would be acting in bad faith, right?

capewood said...

I've been reading these kinds of statements on memorabilia cards as well. I was going to make the same point as madding. Was it actually 'used' by Granderson? How exactly did he use it? Did he wear it, wipe his brow with it, clean his cleats or what?

Anonymous said...

That second sentence, in the Congrats paragraph, says pretty much, nothing. Artful.

dinged corners said...

Would these cards be so vague if they actually were legit? In ten or twenty years when we all have DNA detectors in our iPods, we can assess such claims a little better.

By the way, Cliff, we did mail out a packet to you yestiddy.