2009 Topps Updates & Highlights: I see red people.

We mean this both ways. As in, A) "I see red people" and B) "I see red, people." In an effort to post something new for ye seekers of cardboard happenings, we obtained a blaster of 2009 Topps Updates & Highlights. Oh, the horror. Did you notice how we managed to blame you, Dinged readers, for our decision to buy this thing? We hope you don't mind much that it's all your fault. Anyway, we begin with A) "I see red people":

Mr. Walters even has a red glove! And Matt Maloney can't figure out what's in his glove. It might be a bumble bee.The only thing perhaps less scintillating than a Justin Upton card is...a Miguel Cairo card.

Does Mr. Broxton seem a little broad of thigh there? Meanwhile, Craig Stammen looks endearingly nervous.

Chan Ho Park, good. Jacoby Ellsbury, bad. Both cards feature shadows that make you wonder where the photo editor was when these selections were made.
The same wall that Jonathan Broxton is standing in front of, above. Similar thigh situation, too. You can shorten that to "thitchuation."
The way Pence is glaring, it's a good thing Hanigan is armored up.
Does Mr. Gonzalez throw like a girl? Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's all right that we said a sexist thing, because we too are girls. Girls who know how to throw. Mr. Mayberry RFD is actually sporting a red halo! Made of a fan's tee shirt. Also, red hats in the background.

Brian and Joe. Whaddaya know.

Have you had enough of the red theme from this box? Ok. Let's move on to B) "I see red, people." Why do we see red? That is, why were we miffed? Well, for one thing, this blaster contains an inordinate number of people named Jason, none of them remotely relevant to our collecting:

Regular and throwback Bays.

There's Marquis again. And Giambi, sporting upgraded facial hair:

This Jason Vargas card at least is sort of classic looking, baseball cardularly.In addition to all those Jasons, further reason to see red: there were quite a few Yankees. Congratulations, World Champions! But we don't collect you.

Although wow, Mariano Rivera, those are some impressive choppers.

Do you have a 'Player You Least Like to See in a Pack or Blaster'? Ours is Randy Johnson. :( And the only Mets card in the entire box was a Turkey Red (good) of Gary Grumpypants Sheffield (bad).

Tim Lincecum is on the box and the packs. {yawn} As for Felix, "I came in second for the Cy Young and all I got was this lousy Toppstown card."

This Kris Benson card is pleasing in every way. Except for the fact that we wish it was of a player we follow. But still.

Nice Evan. For Troll, if he needs/wants it.

Gorgeous George Sisler and Ty "Hit You Upside the Head With a Bat As Needed" Cobb.Here is a palate cleanser...Joe Nathan and Joel Hanrahan, Nice Guys. So, that's a look at the first blaster we've gotten in quite a while. No more of that until after Christmas. Hmmm...speaking of Christmas...what hobby box should we ask to find under the tree?